


You Fucked A What?!

by Aifrit



Category: Apex Legends (Video Games)
Genre: Bloodhound's Ambiguous Genitals (Apex Legends), Blow Jobs, Bottom Bloodhound (Apex Legends), Breaking the Fourth Wall, Canon Non-Binary Character, Halloween, Halloween Costumes, Humor, Orgasm, Other, POV First Person, Penetrative Sex, Public Blow Jobs, Semi-Public Sex, Sexual Humor, Smut, Story within a Story, Storytelling, miragehound
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-01
Updated: 2020-11-01
Packaged: 2021-03-08 17:54:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,486
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27320797
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aifrit/pseuds/Aifrit
Summary: So, uh, did I tell you about that time I fucked a pumpkin? No, no, notthattime, not with the shrooms.Thistime. No? Well, sit back and listen.
Relationships: Bloodhound/Mirage | Elliott Witt, Minor Bangalore | Anita Williams/Wraith | Renee Blasey, Minor or Background Relationship(s)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 31





	You Fucked A What?!

**Author's Note:**

> Title: You Fucked A What?!  
> Pairing: Mirage/Bloodhound (Miragehound)  
> Rating: Explicit for smut and language  
> Words: 1486  
> A/N: Randomly wanted to write a Miragehound. This was supposed to be a quick and simple fic, so no heavy editing done. Enjoy!

Okay, okay, I know you read the title so just— hear me out okay? It wasn't my fault. I _swear_. Pinky promise. But like… whoo boy, I don't regret that at all.

So, I'm talking and talking and realizing there's no words coming out. I'm actually just thinking, and Wraith stares at me from across the couch expecting me to explain the text I sent her earlier. Hate when that happens!

"Witt, speak," she growls.

God, she's so scary sometimes… But I start again anyway.

"Okay, okay, I know you read the text so just— hear me out, okay? It wasn't my fault. I _swear_. Pinky promise? But like… my _god_ , I don't regret that at all."

She crosses her arms at me and scowls. Or looks curious? Hell, I dunno, she always looks like that. Anyway, she rereads the text on her phone and pinches the bridge of her nose. I can feel the disappointment dripping off her and I suddenly wanna curl up under the blanket she's sitting on.

"Can you get to the point, please?"

I take a _large_ breath and exhale. "Okay, so, uh, remember that Halloween party we went to last week?"

"We only went to one party, Witt, _yes_ I remember it."

God, what crawled up _her_ asshole? Bangs didn't give her the strap this week? Yikes…

I continue as her eyes start doing the glowy-thing. "Actually, lemme back up. So, remember that story I told you about the, uh, the _pumpkin_?"

Her eyes widen, and the glow stops. She leans forward, interest held for now. "The Khionan mushroom incident? The one that happened before we met? What about it?"

I flex my jaw as the letters combine in my head to form words I barely want to speak. But it happens anyway. Because that's how words work. Right?

"I… may or may not have… repeated said incident" — Wraith leans even closer — "except with like… _out_ the shrooms…?"

"You repeated. The incident. Without the thing that caused the incident. Make it make sense."

"Okay, so, here's what happened…"

And I explain to her.

We got to the party, right? The Syndicate Halloween party. Mandatory for all the Legends for meet-and-greets and whatnot. Super fun and super weird. I _love_ meeting my fans, they're all just so cool and adorable. I even got some fanart and signed some cool costumes and— oh shit, sorry, that's not important.

So, we go to the party. Everyone's dressed and mighty fine, I must say. Gibby's decked out as Frankenstein's monster, Path's a mummy… somehow, Ajay's a drummer — Cindy Blackman, she said? I dunno — Wraith's a vampire lady err… something. Same with Bangs. She's a werewolf but like… nobility? Is that even possible? Those two look like a cello- colla- cephalo- they look like they're matching. It's cute, I guess.

I walk around, talk to some folks, interact with the fans and wink at some cute ladies. I catch their heart kisses — of _course_ , why wouldn't I? — and when they've calmed down and had their fill of me, I chill out in the corner with a couple of gourmet chili dogs.

I know, I know, you're asking what the hell is a "gourmet chili dog"? Well, ya see there's this place not far from the Games' compound that the Syndicate gets food catered from and—

Wraith narrows her brows at me.

Off-topic again, sorry.

So, after I scarf my dogs and splash 'em down with an IPA, I'm chillin' to the max. Played some games with the fans, bobbed for some apples. Just havin' a real good time.

Off to the side I see Hound wearing some amazing costume. Some glowy pumpkin-scarecrow thing. It's, like _, super_ cool! I'm almost kinda jealous? How does their fashion designer get to do cool shit like that, but I'm just dressed up as a cowboy? Like, what the hell?

The color drains from Wraith's face as she sees where this story is going. Oops?

Anyway, Hound's costume rocks and I saunter over and boop them on the pumpkin nose. They stare at me and go, "Good evening, Elliott. Had your fun?" in that muffled, straight-to-the-point voice they use.

So I tell 'em about all the stuff I've been doing and ask them why they haven't done the same.

"Not a huge fan of parties, but I'm glad to have seen my fans."

Fair, but man, I _love_ parties. So much. So many people to talk to and interact with. And sometimes I get to show off a bit of my magic skills. They ask about said magic skills and hah— god, this part's funny —they hum and tell me to show them a magic trick. I shit you not! Didn't have any cards on me, so I couldn't do much. Bummer.

We start talking a bit more, shooting the shit, and then I spill about that pumpkin story. And— okay, look, I know what you're thinking. I should _not_ have said that. Not while they're wearing that cool ass costume, and definitely not when I'm just a little tipsy. But, hey, I couldn't help it. As embarrassing as it is, it's a funny story and a nice icebreaker, ya know?

…No?

Fuck.

Anyway, Hound's quiet when I finish. Just gives me a slow nod and goes, "I have an idea of a magic trick you can show me" and then—

"Wait, wait, wait. They _actually_ said that? Are you shitting me?" Wraith asks.

Rude interruption, but they totally did! Next thing I know we're in a random dark storage room and my pants are, like, down to my knees. Hound's sitting against the wall and tugging my cock a bit. The blood's flowing and I get _hard_. Dunno if it was the beers or the fact that I'm about to fuck around with the hottest, most mysterious person in the Games…

Suddenly my cock's hard, I'm dripping precum, and like a fucking magic trick, it disappears inside Hound's pumpkin mask into the hottest mouth I've ever experienced in my life. I mean, god, if only I had the _words_ to explain how hot this was. Burning, wet, moist—

Wraith scowls. "Please do not use the word 'moist' around me ever again."

Man, why do people hate that word so much? Oh well…

My dick’s hard, _really_ hard, and, like, throbbing and shit. And Hound’s mouth is just… god, it’s the best thing I’ve ever experienced. That tongue’s gliding everywhere. Up the sides and across the underside of the head. Hound sucks, bobs up and down and my eyes are near rolling to the back of my head. And then my balls get some attention and— did you know Hound’s tongue is pierced? Wouldn’t have expected that, ya know?

So I’m feelin’ it, I’m in the zone, my hands are planted on the wall in front of me and then suddenly everything stops and my eyes _fly_ open. And I try SO hard not to start whining. How embarrassing would that be? Hound strokes me a couple times, gives me one last good lick from balls to tip before they stand. So, I’m like “what, is that it? Just suffer with blue balls?” And nooo, that was _not_ it. They turn around and pull their pants down with no words. And I get the hint.

I'm looking _everywhere_ , and there is no makeshift lube around in this damn closet, not even a bottle of lotion, so I gotta make do. I pull Hound closer and tease their entrance, spit on my cock, and ease my way in, nice and slow. They flinch against me as I hold their hips, but once I start goin'? Whoo, boy, that's a nice hot hole.

Doesn't take me long to finish either, and the entire time I'm poundin' in, Hound's making these… really cute moans? Like, man, they're so cute, and I'm thinking I wanna hear them again.

I try my best to keep quiet in the room, and by the time I'm all drained out, Hound's panting in front of me. They pull me out and wipe my dick over their ass before pulling their pants back up. I'm hyperma- hypo- fuck it, I'm breathing _hard_ and dazed out of my _mind_ right now, so gone that I can barely understand what Hound says when they pat my face and leave the room.

And that's my story.

...Ta-da?

Wraith shifts on the couch uncomfortably, mouth hanging open. I guess I might have said a bit too much, but if she's gonna bitch at me for being detailed, then she can take back those play-by-plays of what she does with Bangs when no one's looking. Yeah, I have my limits too, okay? But, alas, this is our relationship.

"You called me all the way over here for _that_?" she says, rolling her eyes. "Try calling next time?"

Geez, was my story really that boring?


End file.
